I have come to the conclusion that I have made a big mistake. I don't remember if I have shared this with u guys or not but I ended it with Tony. That happened about two days ago and I'm losing my mind.I know that that is to be expected in a short period of time but I know that I can't be happy with my babydaddy like I would be with Tony.

Now heres the thing how am I suppose to tell my babydaddy that I don't want to be with him and break his heart all over again. He has been doing a lot for me and for my daughter but that is still not making me happy. I think that he can tell anyways. Now no matter what somones gonna be hurt, so I might as well make myself happy instead of continuesly trying to spare someone elses feelings.

I will appericiate any comments to help me either make a decision or help me break it down to babydaddy.

Love u guys always

This whole situation with my babydaddy and this new guy just keeps getting more and more difficult. Now its starting to get in the middle of me and this guys relationship. I feel like I want to be with him but there are things that I can't deall with about him. Now he wants me to strip, but I feel like how can u care about me if u want me to take my cloths off for other ppl.

But when I'm not with him I miss him like crazy. We do have fun with each other. I also believe that this is just the honeymoon period. Should I continue this and see where it goes, or should I let it go and be with my babydaddy while I still can .

The reason I wan't to be with my babydaddy is because he has done a complete 360. He sees my daughter almost everyday now and has taken her by himself a couple of times. Hes really good with her too. He has stoped drinking because he knows that it is affecting him in a really bad way.

I feel like hes only doing this because he knows that someone else is interested in me. Now I keep lying to both of them and telling them that I care about both of them. Which I do but I can't make up my mind. If I tell them both that I need to time think about who I'm going to be with, I might lose both of them

But what if thats what needs to happen, maybe I need to be bymyself. But this might be the last time I can make a family for my daughter and I would be selfish if I didn't take this oppurtunity. WHY WHY WHY Theres to many hard decisions I have to make.

O.k I got this situation right. My babydaddy and I are somewhat trying to work things out so that we can make a family for my daughter. I told him that I wasn't going to go through with anything until I saw that he stat making changes with my daughter u know. Actually coming to see her and help take care of her. Now heres where the problem comes I have started dating someone else. I will finish this later I can't even keep my eyes open I am so tired.

bye.

I got a letter in the mail yesterday telling me about the court date that I have to be to about this domestic violence case. I'm still trying to decide if I should go or not. I meant I really want to put him and everything about him behind me. I do think that he should pay for what he did, but at what cost to me. Will there be retaliation on his side. How will I be able to look at him in the court room and send him to jail or probation or whatever their going to give him.

I keep having ppl tell me that if I send him to jail he really won't be able to do anything for my child or our child. I just feel like he aint nothing but a sperm donor and thats it. He doesn't try to come see her see how shes doing and don't even think that hes going to buy her something. WHY?? Why did I have to pick such a petty childish person to be the father of my child. Now I'm going to have to explain to my daughter when she gets older why her daddy doesn't love her. And its going to be my fault because I should have made better decisions.

Anyways on a brighter note, I have this new guy in my life that I don't know he confuses me. Sometimes he makes it seem like he cares for me then other times he makes it seem like we're nothing but fuck partners like we kind of agreed on in the first place. I feel bad because I'm stating to get real feelings for him. But I don't want to put my feelings out there and he not feel the same way. Relationships are so complicated. I know that we can't have anything real though especially since he wants me to strip so that I can make some money.

Something that I've already thought about myself but never really tried to put any action into it. Hes kind of pushing me to take action with it. This just seems like the only thing I can do right now. I'm not getting a job I can see that so thats just what I'm going to have to do. Now don't think I'm stupid and am listenig to what he tells me. These are thoughts that I've had long before he came around. I don't know.

Well anyways hope to hear ur opinions soon. Always nice talkin to ya.
Bye

I can't believe that its been so long since I last posted a message. Well I should say that everything is much better for me right now. I still have to live in this disgusting house but we'll be moving soon. That doesn't mean that anything will change though. This house will always be unbearable for me. That man isn't on my mind anymore. The only time I think about him is when I get mad about him abondaning his daughter, but other than that I'm fine. I still don't have a job. I don't know what I'm going to do about that situation. Well theres this McDonalds thats hiring I guess I'll be going there. I didn't want to have to go that low but I guess thats what I'm going to have to do. I have a new man in my life. Were not boyfriend and girlfriend because we both decided thats not what we want right now. But I think it will happen anyways. Were getting to close to each other. Like I'm starting to miss him when I'm not around him, and he calls me everyday. Tells me he misses me and shit like that. I think that I should like back off a little bit. What do u guys think. Anyways I miss u all and hope to hear from u soon.